Soccernet's Employee-of-the-month
I was reading Jan’s blog the other day and she was musing on how the soccernet commentators have an interesting sense of humor. It really is quite true. Perhaps they just don’t get sufficiently entertained by the match they’re providing a commentary on. Here are excerpts from the FA Cup semi between United and Newcastle:
6th min: The United players are incensed with the referee’s decision. Replays show that Taylor did stick out a leg, but Ronaldo dived over the challenge and there was definitely no contact. Ronaldo should hang his head in shame. He doesn’t however; he continues to strut around the field like a peacock on heat. (a peacock on heat?!! This guy is horny…..)
20th min: Van Nistelrooy has been going through a torrid time since returning from injury, but it was a great finish from the Dutchman. Understandably, he looked delighted; I haven’t seen him that happy since he won £20 on the National Lottery. (Lame joke, but he tried.)
27th min: Television cameras pick out Sir Bobby Robson in the crowd. He’s sat next to former Tottenham, Manchester City and Liverpool legend Paul Walsh. Why they couldn’t follow the match via my Soccernet commentary, I’m not sure. (Now he sounds like Sheikh Haikel when he was still with Perfect 10)
37th min: United have completely out-played Newcastle in this first half. It’s women against girls out there. (Now this bugger doesn’t know what he’s talking abt)
38th min: FACT ME HARD: Manchester United have yet to concede a goal in this year’s FA Cup. (erm, “Fact me hard”?! Frankly, sounds like he’s been surfing a lot of porn sites recently…..definitely horny….)
47th min: Souness smiles as he eats an apple on the Newcastle bench. I wonder what he has up his sleeve. His arm, probably. What a ridiculous question. (*faint*)
80th min: What an incredible second half it’s been. I’ve been kept on my toes from the very first minute. Thankfully, I’m good enough to have kept up with the action; other commentators may sadly have faded away. (Now, this guy has a humongous ego…..)
81st min: What a final we’re going to get in Cardiff next month; United v Arsenal, with both clubs playing for their only chance of a trophy. If you can’t get to the game, why not follow the action with me, here at Soccernet? It’ll be great fun, I promise. (He really loves his job. Fat slob sitting on a chair hardly perspiring a drop, earning easy money)
87th min: The game is very tamely reaching its inevitable conclusion. Ferguson seems to have thrown away his chewing gum. I hope he put it in a bin, and didn’t merely toss it to the floor. I hate it when people do that. Do you know how difficult it is to get chewing gum off your clothes? I do. (Hahaha! The fella must be running out of things to say abt the match. At least he spices up the commentary to make up for the reader not getting to watch the match live. And how he manages to get chewing gum which pple toss on the floor onto his shirt is beyond me)
6th min: The United players are incensed with the referee’s decision. Replays show that Taylor did stick out a leg, but Ronaldo dived over the challenge and there was definitely no contact. Ronaldo should hang his head in shame. He doesn’t however; he continues to strut around the field like a peacock on heat. (a peacock on heat?!! This guy is horny…..)
20th min: Van Nistelrooy has been going through a torrid time since returning from injury, but it was a great finish from the Dutchman. Understandably, he looked delighted; I haven’t seen him that happy since he won £20 on the National Lottery. (Lame joke, but he tried.)
27th min: Television cameras pick out Sir Bobby Robson in the crowd. He’s sat next to former Tottenham, Manchester City and Liverpool legend Paul Walsh. Why they couldn’t follow the match via my Soccernet commentary, I’m not sure. (Now he sounds like Sheikh Haikel when he was still with Perfect 10)
37th min: United have completely out-played Newcastle in this first half. It’s women against girls out there. (Now this bugger doesn’t know what he’s talking abt)
38th min: FACT ME HARD: Manchester United have yet to concede a goal in this year’s FA Cup. (erm, “Fact me hard”?! Frankly, sounds like he’s been surfing a lot of porn sites recently…..definitely horny….)
47th min: Souness smiles as he eats an apple on the Newcastle bench. I wonder what he has up his sleeve. His arm, probably. What a ridiculous question. (*faint*)
80th min: What an incredible second half it’s been. I’ve been kept on my toes from the very first minute. Thankfully, I’m good enough to have kept up with the action; other commentators may sadly have faded away. (Now, this guy has a humongous ego…..)
81st min: What a final we’re going to get in Cardiff next month; United v Arsenal, with both clubs playing for their only chance of a trophy. If you can’t get to the game, why not follow the action with me, here at Soccernet? It’ll be great fun, I promise. (He really loves his job. Fat slob sitting on a chair hardly perspiring a drop, earning easy money)
87th min: The game is very tamely reaching its inevitable conclusion. Ferguson seems to have thrown away his chewing gum. I hope he put it in a bin, and didn’t merely toss it to the floor. I hate it when people do that. Do you know how difficult it is to get chewing gum off your clothes? I do. (Hahaha! The fella must be running out of things to say abt the match. At least he spices up the commentary to make up for the reader not getting to watch the match live. And how he manages to get chewing gum which pple toss on the floor onto his shirt is beyond me)
Chronicled by No. 7 Man | 5:07 am
7 Comments:
I love this dude man.. He rubbished players like Mendieta and Zenden during Middlesbrough UEFA Cup outings.. He's hilarious ^^
Downing skins three players down the left and clips over another super cross that Viduka can't quite reach. He's made Oddo look like a Dodo. Clever, eh?
-Soccernet Nov 4th, Middlesbrough 2- Lazio 0-
haha, yup Anonymous, this guy sure gives us a good read. The commentators of old at Soccernet were nothing like this; all boring dry stuff. You can tell this guy used to be (or still is) a normal tv soccer commentator as well. Those are the guys who usually spew this kind of stuff.
Mistique, there used to be this commentator who was a lecturer at RJC. I don't know if he's still commentating or even if he's still with RJ, but he was pretty entertaining. Mark Richmond was a pretty dry commentator. Then again, I don't watch S-League matches, so I can't judge their commentaries. I've only heard local commentators at matches when the Lions are involved in int'l matches.
local commentators are rubbish la...they used to have mark richmond give commentaries on the euro matches last yr..which was a HUGE flop...
Mark Richmond CMI la.....not in soccer commentaries at least. He's good in drama though (but not TV serials!! bleargh!!)
yeah some pple are like that...acting on stage is VASTLY different from acting on tv...keagan kang is fabulous onstage as well...
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